Just had a Breakdown

[cheets]

Yup, after all my years of living it came to an point, my sister had a kid saturday morning, i've just been out celebrating with the dad and my dad, then we get a call saying Chloe has been sick and shes in intensive care, so we leg it to a taxi rank, im starting to lose it, and we plead with a girl that we need to get to the hospital, i just lose it and breakdown, screaming and crying, 22 years of my life, bang.

the years of torment by my sisters bullies, the days i walked up the road to my primary school, shedding a tear, the high school bullying the ****s that think they are better than anyone, the days hearing my sister saying she would jump out of the car.

she went to seek professional help, me i never, i dont know why, i kept it in, i was young, i had school, people said how is your sister, they never asked about me.

after school it was just general college, i wasnt bullied but somthing wasnt right, maybe the hiding away in school, the shyness, the other more popular people, they just left me, i never had a decent youth after 16, i never went to parties, i never had any fun, never got drunk never had sex, never did anything.

when i was 18 i meet some lads they where my age, we went around town and had a good time, these lads where from college. they saved me, i met somebody who i could get on with, my mates fucked me off, i never ever got invited to an 18 or 21.

my mates lived 4 miles away instead of the 500 yards up the road, to this day i dont see them. i dont blame them, they where good mates i just never did anything after i left school with them. they left me behind, because i looked young.

if i got from say 9 to 22 i could right about on my feelings, it went from people in my own street not letting me past the road, they would lie down on the street and say u couldnd get past, they would slowly not invite u to parties, even my nextdoor neighbour, eh you can here the music you can even see the boncey castle, yet no invite, im 3 foot away.

tbh my life has been in parts, the part im born and to 7, some **** of a doctor comes and cuts my foresking off because i couldnt piss proper, that sticks in my mind like a kinfe, i cant still feel the antiseptic wipe on my knob. jesus.

from 7 to 14, its mixed i have good friends at primary school, some nice ones at hige school, but it wasnt right. high school is evil and over looked by teachers, kids always bottle it up.

14-21 nothing happend, i had poor teaching at school they fucked me off into the slow classes, i dreamed of the day sitting next to my mates in english and maths, i ended up on a IT course at college, it was noithing i took me 4 years to even get to a course that would allow me on to a degree, my life had passed, my mates where finnishing uni, i had nothing, i ended up working for asda in shit warehouse, ok pay £200 a week, easy, do your work, go home, sit at pc, play xbox.

so now im sitting here, thinking well, what a shit life, i have hadly anything to show because of things that happpend, i dont blame them on my parents, i blame some on the girls that bullied my sister, i just dont know what to do.

the day you sit next to your mum and say i cant comit suicide because i want to bury you and show you my kids, you know its fucked.

this is cheets saying, bye, i doubt could even come back here, seeing as i've said so much, you can take the piss i dont care, but i hope the mirc and and c-e peeps read this and dont think what a chav :weep:

i love this forum. i am to scared to even come back and read the replies.

:sad:

cheets

[The3rdChildren]

Chin up, laddy. Life gives everyone shit. You gotta hang in there and get through it, you'll be stronger because of that.

[Dante]

Sorry to hear that Cheets. :aww:
I have a fucked up life as well. :weep:

[Blackfox]

Sorry to hear that. Just remember that life will improve, just give it time :)

[zatoichi]

Yo man, whatever troubles are in your life right now (and there seem to be a few), talk to the people you love about them. They're the ones who will be able to help you the most. They're the ones who will give you the best guidance and advice.

That's not to say I don't care! But I don't think anybody on this forum is in the right position to give you sound advice. All we can give you is encouragement.

[Sooj]

I'm not a prfessional or anything but I think I know what your problem is.

First of all you really should be more confident. Bloody just be yourself, who cares, don't give a shit about other people, let yourself loose.

Saying that though, one can always go one step to far meaning that you need to set your own standards. You say your life it shit? Well, what I would advise you to do is get a sheet of paper, a pen or pencil and create 2 lists. One would be a list of all the good things in your life currently and one list of all the bad things CURRENTLY and then level them up.

If your bad list is far greater than good then you really need to get your priorities straight. Get another piece of paper and write down everything that is important to you and then write how you will try and succeed; how you will be able to reach out to everything that you care for.

The second thing is, and you may not like it but stop blaming other people. Where you are today, who you are today and what you are doing today is all your own doing. You really can not blame bullys 10-odd years ago for your life today. You can't live like that.

If you go up to an employee and say "Oh I wasn't able to concentrate and get my grades because of bullys at my school" well, I doubt they will care. Sorry but its a fact. You really must look in a new direction, in a fresh perspective, through someone else' eyes you must look at the situation as a whole. One can't really trust their own view//judgement all the time. Sometimes through rage people don't know what they see, how they are affecting other people.

Like I said, I'm not a profession, heck am only 17 but its the type of advice that I would give my friends. :)

[cheets]

ha, did you ever come home and walk to school and 8am and see your dad pull up in the street jump out and start to get angry at your sister and break the video player, yuss, break the whole video player, that shit neighbours crap asuisse fake fucking crap mangle coffee shop. fucking robinsons, dog died.

i can rememeber picking up a video which was in half. and thinking 5 years from now im i will be 15.

good :yes:

job
car
family
house
coldplay

bad :angry:

mental probs
5830 of the crap
no future
major mental probs
alocholism

[zatoichi]

Don't get pissed. It won't help.

[cheets]

i aint pissed ok, i am, but im home alone, i got coldplany on and i want to chuck the monoitor throuhj the fucking winodwd and listen to the ipod.

been an hour since i head anything,

psp owns :S

[er-no]

Heya man.

Firstly, woah. You really are putting lots upon yourself? You need to calm down and look at the good things you have in life. And then realise that your only 22 and it's not too late at all to change whatever you want. Still got both legs don't ya? Better start using them...I'll explain why.

I'm not going to dive into the depths of my past, I think that a little selfish in this situation, but let me say as another did a few posts back. Other people have crap upbringings and lifes too. My ex-girlfriend died in my arms a couple of years ago. Literally, just died whilst I was holding her screaming for a paramedic to be quicker. Then there is the point where my half-brother tried to kill my mum infront of me, I threw myself infront of the blade... or the time I was told I could never walk or run again.

I'm only 20 now though. I've had the shit knocked everywhere outta me and yes, I've considered packing it all in. Actually giving up. Taking my own life. But that's the most pathetic thing you can do. The strongest thing. The thing that hurts the most. You can fight. You can run.

Place everything you have in the people left around who that you still love. Join a society (local one - maybe kung fu etc). Meet new people. Start to love the things about life you never expected. Take a holiday. Hitchhick. See how far the rabbit hole you never thought you'd look down goes.

I ran. I ran away. I run away from all my problems, but I know after the running I stop and then I turn around and I face them. They hurt. Like hell, but I face them. Mate I'm so sorry to hear someone else like this but you've gotta start to be happy for the few things you have. Because they are more than some others ever had. Don't mean to lecture you at all. I hope it turns out all right.

Run but keep fighting.
If you need any advice add me to msn or something.
If this post made no sense or you have any questions just ask. :)
Joby

[kav82]

it's hard but u'll manage!

i broke 3 weeks ago, after 22yrs too, it all had built up and then triggered after seeing my ex and when my mates had a fight, for no reason, it just really upset me and set me off

past few months really took it out of me and i just bottled it up (its really not healthy), getting put in jail in thailand, being "let go" from my job when i got back and getting dumped by my g/f a week later just pushed me too far!

picking myself up now, i've accepted everything and took it in my stride, spoken to a couple friends about it (it helped so much, they didnt even realise how messed up i had been) and now on my way again

you can do it, it just takes time!

[Lammie]

Go outside, take a deep breath of air. Be thankful that you can do that.

[dukkadukka]

i'm so sorry for you. i won't pretend that i can help you sort out your problems, but have you ever tried meditation? i know some people sneer at it and think it's hippy bullshit, but it's scientifically proven to help you relax mentally and physically (and spiritually, but obviously science can't prove that). it just seems to me that anxiety is a problem for you, and i'm sure that this will help you. please don't dismiss this, all i'm asking for is five minutes' of your time, and you'll see how meditation can help you too.

http://www.learningmeditation.com/

they've got mp3's up there, there's one that's only three minutes. all you need to do is sit down and cross your legs, close your eyes and listen to this for three minutes. it's no huge effort, but it could have huge benefits for your life if it helps you deal with your problems and be able to put them in perspective.

[Apple_NdiB]

Mate, I would thoroughly recommend councelling, for someone in your position, I've had it myself and the fact that you're getting it all out to someone who can give some positive feedback is a godsend.

[JonSt]

Woah cheets, thats some serious shit there bro, i know what it feels like to have a sibling bullied pretty bad, my bro was bullied heavily. Although in my case i got my revenge on them. Keep your chin up and stay here.

[Ashley]

Sorry to hear about it all, had my fair share of life's knock abouts (particularly lately) but not to the level of yours. All I can say is your what, 21, 22? Your life aint over yet. I know for a while your going to be upset/angry/confused because of the combination of recent events but in a few weeks think about what you want to do. They say nothing is impossible if you put your mind to it, so prove them right.

I hope you feel better, little by little cause this isn't something that'll magically dissapear but I do hope it gets better.

[Chris the great]

look man, every one feels like they have it worse then any one, but your life wont be sorted if you just sit and moap about it. somthimes you have to swalow the fear and be outgoing. its all well and good saying that you dont have friends, but if you never want to do anything, its not exactly like its there fault. you should talk to people at ework, make a few freins, go out with them and just be yourself. ive been at unki a week and ive already made friends, despite the fact im normaly really shy. being shy is easy for a while, sure you wont make a **** of yourself, but end of the day, what outher people think is meaningless, if they dont like you they arnt woth your time. im sure that if myour just yourself then people will respect you for it and invite you out, but pretty soon peope get sick of inviting people out when they never go. ive been there, i never used to go out, but in the past week ive been clubbign 3 times and had a bloody great time. all because i said yes. ive known the people here for about a week now and were already best mates
put your self out to meet people and pretty soon life will feel sweet again.

[Babooo]

Hey chris, your reply has actually helped me out as well.

Hey Cheets, I know what you mean as in feeling you have no friends. I sometimes feel like that as well. There are just some days where I really can't be bothered to go out, I just wanna stay in the house in front of the telly/PC/PS2. Thats what I've been doing recently. People have actually asked me to go pub/party/bars etc but I just blow them off cos either I feel too lazy or that I just want to stay at home.

Well lately my sister and Chris the great, just now, have given real good advice....well for me at least. What's the point in staying at home? You might as well get out there and live life a little. No one is saying that you gotta go out clubbin every single day, just maybe at the weekends or something. Interact with other people and they'll talk to you too. And if they don't, fuck them :grin:

I know its easy to say all of that, but I'm in a similar position to you too, maybe not as bad though. I gotta take my own advice too, and hopefully I'll get to know some people better in the process...

[Chris the great]

seriosuly, if you just go out one night a week and dont worry about anything you will have a good time. time was, i wouldent go out cos id worry about my contacts being in too long, or making a **** of myself, but its not worth it. i can understand people not liking clubs cos of the noise, so go to a pub. as long is it isnt too loud its easyto have a conversation and a laugh, then go to clubs drunk and you dont notice the noise so much, and you have an awsome time, its so awsome getting up on a table and dancing with some hottie you've just met. then in the morning, whenyou feel i'll, you suddenly remeber how much fun you had and its totaly worth feeling sick.

shyness is natural if youve been bullied, belive me i know, but why let some one ruin your life because they thought they were better then you? ok, so im not the most popular person ever, but i can eaisly get on with people and have good friends. you can too, but nobody lieks being out with some one whos sulky and silent, talk, amke jokes and laugh at outher peoples. and oh my god, the most important thing is to not be frightened of people liking you, just enjoy yourself. get a ferw drinks with people and pretty soon your best of friends.

[Gaijin von Snikbah]

First off all: We love you no matter what!! *Grouphug*

And Id like to quote mr Terminator: "Anger is better than despair."

And third, you just gotta try thinking positive. Even if everything says otherwise, youll just have to keep believing it like a blind idiot. Youre gonna do good. Trust me. ;-)

[dukkadukka]

substeinar - anger is never better.

cheets - please try meditation, it's what saved me when i was younger. i can't guarantee it'll turn your life around, but it will help you remove yourself from your situation and gain perspective on everything that's going on in your life. i have faith in its' ability to heal; please let meditation help you, it's a process of self-care and reparation, which seems to be what you need.

[Platty]

cheets i never knew all this about you, probably no one did. i always thought you were the happy outgoing hardcore drinker clubber football loving type out every weekend on it.

im sorry to hear about all this and i hope your sister is ok. i cant really give any advice as ive never been in this posistion and it would be wrong for me to tell you what to do.

all i can say is try and keep your chin up and talk to your family about such things.

[Gaijin von Snikbah]

Dukkadukka, I will have to disagree with you. Im not saying hes to direct anger towards others or himself, in a harming way. In crisis anger can help a person focus, and relieve stress. But I rather suggest you get it out some way else. So Im to suggest a method for you to relax with:

Breathe in slowly. Hold your breath, and tighten your muscles. Hold your breath and muscles, for a little while. Breathe out slowly, while releasing your muscles, slowly. Then hold your breath, for a little while. Before starting the process over again.

I hope it helps.

[EEVILMURRAY]

I had another fit today, I could make a new topic but I've already mentioned it here. Shabba

[KingJoe]

I'm with dukka. Try the meditation. It worked for me and I don't know anyone who's done it properly and thinks it's rubbish...

[Chris the great]

what you have to do is stop blaiming outhers for your problems, but dont blame yourself either, look at what you can do to fix them. if you had poor results from exams, try an access course to get into a uni.

[soag]

Welcome to my life cheets, I've been bullied all my life, I kept it all in, never told a sod, just took it all on the chin, at times I felt like i was just going to breakdown but thankfully I didnt and now since the start of this year after getting paid off at my old dead end job my life has got better, and im the happiest I've ever been. So don't worry life can only get better.

Put on your happy face, get out there dont care what others think if hey dont like you for who you are then they are not worth your friendship.

[cheets]

its has took me 2 weeks to even come and read this thread, i am still off work, i have to go in on monday but i think i will just fucking burst and let rip.

The anger inside me is so strong, i can be ok, walk to the shops, and someone is taking a few minutes at the till, and my head is going mental. I dont know why, the anguish and pain is still there. i cant even go town to drinking as i know i will lash out.

I have been to the docs, he didnt really say much, just said i had faimly and shit, not what you want to be hearing, he did book a psychiatric nurse, but that was 6-8 weeks, which is jsut stupid, fucking NHS, i have paid tax on everything.

I think its time for the bullied to he bully(the say all bullies are bullied), beat the shit out of the people who think they can intimidate people, i hope so, as i need somthing soon, with the early nights even better.


I thank er-no, as he is the only one who can give me anything from this (the rest old school) i hope i can become stronger, i just think of my niece, this little girl, who is 2 weeks old, i just love her, and i want to be there for years to come.

http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a182/cheets64/cheets.jpg < big picture

[Blackfox]

Well, im glad your still about and that youve done harmed yourself or whatnot :)

JUst wait and see the nurse and then see what he says. Dont hurt anybody though, as you dont want to be in prison and miss out of life. I cant really help you much, but im glad you seem to be slowly calming a bit.

Just take it easy and remember itll get better :)

[Lammie]

I find great satisfaction that all the douchebags that gave me a hard time at school are now cleaning toilets, lugging garbage bins, or dole bludging.

[Kurtle Squad]

Heheh...Well i've not had sex n never go to parties or anything like that!!...Parties aint my sorta thing!!

I've felt shit A LOT, been mega depressed n all sorts. 1 reason is that I have an anxiety problem. We all have our problems. :) Hope it all works out 4 u n that.

[er-no]

Cute kid. You should stop beating yourself up about all that stuff though. I can tell you right now I've been through 100times worse, and I've never even been bullied before; but I don't dwell on it. Just don't do anything stupid... o.O

You cannot compare your problems to others. Everything is relative Peachie, if you've been through stuff '100times worse' I'm sure you'd completely understand that everyone has their own problems and by merely saying 'he' or 'she' has 'been through worse' you aren't helping at all.

Sure, there is the everso pathetic and annoying saying 'There is always someone worse off'. Well, I don't know that person, and relative to me is what I'm going through and the pain I'm in - but of course, I'm speaking more generally than about me at this precise moment.

Sorry, but your post grated on me slightly. :)

And Cheets, no worries on the post man. I went through two years of mental anguish and problems and I'm still fighting everyday. On top of that I've got my sisters one year old niece to look after as best as possible, along with my three sisters. Chin up, look for the things I posted about before. It's so worth doing! Because if I hadn't done it, I would have ended my life two years ago before it even began, and on Tuesday I'm working on a Muse music video. :D

[Sanchez]

Theres no such thing as a "shit life". It's just what you did for the last x years. Hell, who cares if I don't have good job. it's my fault that i'm threre and i'll have to work with it, take a chance if one comes up. Why do people want to go overbroad so much? To see the world? fuck that. I'm happy at home.

[killer kirby]

I love this Forum, everybody is so suportive and i like how people support each other, it makes me happy. :grin:

[Girly hiyaz!~ Gamer]

God this is the most emo thread ever.
You just started crying because someone wouldn't drive you to the hospital?
I don't get it.
There are people in worse situations btw.
Not that i'm again you or anything.

[Cheapshot]

Cute kid. You should stop beating yourself up about all that stuff though. I can tell you right now I've been through 100times worse, and I've never even been bullied before; but I don't dwell on it. Just don't do anything stupid... o.O

That was... insensitive. :hmm:

[Peachie]

It wasn't supposed to be. I'm just saying, thousands of people get bullied and feel like shit, but coming on a forum and telling people isn't going to do anything. You can give him support, but in the long run it's not going to stop people bullying him, is it? To me... and... I can't put this any other way without sounding insensitive/rude, it's just attention seeking. If you were truly depressed, you would not be sitting telling people on a computer.

When I said the "others have it worse" thing I wasn't telling him to shut up about it. It *does* help to think that no matter how bad it is, there's always going to be someone worse off, and if that doesn't, he could try finding inspiration in people who had it shit but pulled through in the end.

And by me going through a lot worse, again I wasn't saying that he shouldn't go on about it because it's nothing compared to me, I was kind of telling him that he could talk to me about it, because I don't think (and you'll probably disagree with this) that someone who hasn't been depressed before can properly help someone having a hard time, because they'll find it harder to relate and say something truly helpful (that's not meant to be disrespectful to anyone...).

I dunno, I guess... I can't explain it properly. Can't find the right words, I never can, so people usually take everything I say the wrong way.

[Bowser57]

If you were truly depressed, you would not be sitting telling people on a computer.

I don't think that's true at all.

I know some very depressed people who live almost their whole life online telling people about it but doing nothing to fix it.

And I don't think it's for any of us to measure one another's depression up against someone elses.

It really is a case of if you haven't got anything nice to say it's probably best not to say anything.

This post isn't meant as an attack on anyone, I'm just saying if someone's telling you how upset they are with how things are going for them it's not really the time to be putting the boot in.

[Hellfire]

Im going through some hard tmes myself and I know its hard to imagine things getting better, but you need to relax and just be yourself. The rest is crap, just do what you want to do, thats what matters. Better days will come, so try to cheer up.

[Noodleman]

I find great satisfaction that all the douchebags that gave me a hard time at school are now cleaning toilets, lugging garbage bins, or dole bludging.

Yeah me to. And in 20 years time it will be even more satisfying when there still doing the same thing.

[Peachie]

I don't think that's true at all.

I know some very depressed people who live almost their whole life online telling people about it but doing nothing to fix it.

Then they're not depressed. Not severely. Feeling down, sad, or hopeless, isn't depression. It's just natural behaviour. And measuring someone's sadness is "for us", because it's the only way we can help them. Ever heard of the Beck Depression Inventory? If you don't know how depressed someone is, you won't know what to do to get them out of it.

[dukkadukka]

peachie, do you honestly think that your words are being helpful? stop acting like a smart-ass bitch and put up or shut up. cheets is asking for help, and if you don't want to give it then that's fine but you don't need to tell everyone about it.

[BeerMonkey]

u have had a good life compared to me upto 16 mine was wrose and no this is no sadness competition
everyone gets delt a different card in life i take it theres alot more people on this forum that got bullied and had bad lifes in school.....well after school i made it the focus of my days to show that the bullies havent won!...i pulled myself together hungout with my mates, got a g/f got a job went to college and now im ALOT more confident and have quite a few mates as a result.

The prob with having such a down and out life in childhood is that it drains confidence well if you want to do something about it well you know the rest...

one thing thou i thought really helped is find a close mate or friend and just chat to them about past pains it does help


*i nearly commited suicide when i was 18 i had lost everything etc blah blah blah and had nearly took a overdose gald my mum came downstairs....to me crying or i dread to think *gulp*

[Peachie]

lollerskate :indeed:

asking for help, and if you don't want to give it then that's fine

I was kind of telling him that he could talk to me about it,

[kyletherobot]

God this is the most emo thread ever.
You just started crying because someone wouldn't drive you to the hospital?
I don't get it.
There are people in worse situations btw.
Not that i'm again you or anything.
shut your mouth

[Offerman]

Please stop that Hiyaz.

[Girly hiyaz!~ Gamer]

What? I'm giving my opinion, just like everyone else is. I don't see no harm in that.

[Offerman]

What? I'm giving my opinion, just like everyone else is. I don't see no harm in that.

No, but your causing over people to lash out, which results in arguements, which is never a good thing. I'm not saying your wrong - nor that I agree with you, but for certain threads its best to keep a few things under your tongue.

[Girly hiyaz!~ Gamer]

No, but your causing over people to lash out, which results in arguements, which is never a good thing. I'm not saying your wrong - nor that I agree with you, but for certain threads its best to keep a few things under your tongue.
I understand.
I will remember that and think twice in future.