Man makes the schlong choice, cuts off own penis

[navarre]

A man took a pair of scissors and snipped off his own member after a falling out with his girlfriend. As he attempted to preserve it for posterity, doctors later managed to sew it back on.
After an argument with his girlfriend over her not moving in with him, he returned home and there cut off his manhood, apparently as he wished to be done with women entirely.
The man (37) was found bleeding on the floor, and was soon conveyed to hospital. Doctors, having discovered that, for some reason even he cannot explain, he had put his severed penis on ice, then managed to reattach the member.
It is not clear whether the self-castrator will regain full use of the unwanted appendage, or indeed whether he is happy about still having it.


Police explain the failed eunuch’s situation: “He told us that apparently he did not need his penis since his girlfriend didn’t want to move in with him – after two broken marriages, he said he wanted to have nothing in common with women.”
Regarding his mysterious refrigeration of his lost manhood, police have this to say: “This was one wise thing that he did, if we can at all speak about wisdom in a situation like that.”

Can't link to where it's from- the site is most likely against forum rules.

[EEVILMURRAY]

I don't know what to say to this.

[Sheikah]

Um, he's done with women. Did he forget that it's for buggering men too?

[MoogleViper]

"after two broken marriages, he said he wanted to have nothing in common with women.”

Surely by having a penis he has less in common with women than without one.

[DuD]

:o

That guy's thoughts process is baffing!?!?

[Happenstance]

Shouldnt this be in the "Bits Or No Bits" thread? :heh:

[DuD]

^ I Like :laughing:

[EchoDesiato]

I don't know know what to say, I'm stumped.

[ReZourceman]

Gotta have balls to do something like that.

[Dazz]

"after two broken marriages, he said he wanted to have nothing in common with women.”

Surely by having a penis he has less in common with women than without one.

That's exactly what I thought. He'd have more in common if he chopped it off, lmao. I think he was having a mad moment obviously, I mean, who the f**k chops their cock off because your girlfriend won't move in with you? :confused:

[EEVILMURRAY]

Gotta have balls to do something like that.
Didn't mention lopping those off... He planned on going round with no rod but leaving the sack?! ::shrug:

[Jav_NE]

How?! Scissors arn't very sharp. Not like it would've been a clean cut, he would have been hacking away at it surely :o

He wont have use of that again. He'll have to have one of those urinal bags or something. So i guess it worked, he will be done with women.

[EEVILMURRAY]

He wont have use of that again. He'll have to have one of those urinal bags or something. So i guess it worked, he will be done with women.
They're reattaching it aren't they? He should be able to piss again surely. Getting it up again however... probably more complicated an operation.

[D_prOdigy]

I don't know know what to say, I'm stumped.

Very good ;)

[Shino]

Pics will soon appear on 4chan for sure.

[Dannyboy-the-Dane]

With the risk of repeating myself: Wow. Just wow.

[S.C.G]

I'm amazed he survived tbh, wouldn't you suffer serious blood loss from doing something like that? I'd imagine it to be like opening up an artery because well, a lot of blood flows to that point at times lol.

[Paj!]

People do this all the time.

[ReZourceman]

People do this all the time.

Surely they can only do it once....

[MoogleViper]

Surely they can only do it once....

What if they have diphallia?

[Paj!]

Triphallus, to puncuate!

[Shino]

Oh god, that exists? I'm too afraid to google.

Edit: FUCK FUCK FUCK! I did it...

[Paj!]

Oh god, that exists? I'm too afraid to google.

Edit: FUCK FUCK FUCK! I did it...

DWssV-sr3Nk

[Raining_again]

Oh god, that was a bit of a stupid mistake to make. >_<

Its not something you come across very often in a medical situation. I've only heard of one incidence (in my trust area) - penile cancer.

[chairdriver]

DWssV-sr3Nk

That's so much better than the album version.

Almost a real song, not just a random combination of failed songs they loved the chorus of.

[EEVILMURRAY]

I got 2 minutes in and got bored. Does something happen in it?

[Ten10]

Had a story like this in the local newspaper a few months ago, except it was because he badly wanted to be a woman.

[EEVILMURRAY]

Reminds me of that story where the woman bit off a blokes tongue mid snog.

[Kirkatronics]

Reminds me of that story where the woman bit off a blokes tongue mid snog.
A while a go in the Zoo or Nuts magazine there was a guy who made a bet that he would cut his penis off if he lost.
Once he lost he went to the drawer and took out some hedge clippers, went to the toilet, and cut it off.
No one thought hed go through with it, and hes an idiot for doing it =/

[EEVILMURRAY]

A while a go in the Zoo or Nuts magazine there was a guy who made a bet that he would cut his penis off if he lost.
Once he lost he went to the drawer and took out some hedge clippers, went to the toilet, and cut it off.
No one thought hed go through with it, and hes an idiot for doing it =/
Although he's an idiot for doing so, you have to respect the fact he's a man of honour.

[navarre]

Too funny: Look what i just found;

A Chicago man resisted arrest in a most unusual way Wednesday, March 15 by cutting-off his penis. Distraught over an argument with his girlfriend, Jakub Fik went on a rampage through the streets of Chicago, smashing car windows and breaking into houses. When police caught up with him he cut-off his penis and threw both the knife and his penis at police.
Officers stunned him with a Taser and took him into custody. "We took him out without any serious injury, with the exception of his own" -Ssergeant Edward Dolan of the 16th District was qouted as saying.

Fik was taken to the Northwestern Memorial Hospital, where his penis was reattached, and later charged with two counts of aggravated assault and one count of criminal damage to property, said Officer Laura Kubiak.

Dr. Greg Bales, associate professor of urology at the University of Chicago said that although operations to reattach penises are rare, they are usually successful if the penis is placed on ice and reattached within a few hours.


http://www.africamasterweb.com/AdSense/PenisManCutsOffThrowsPolice.html

Too funny. Lobbing your dick at police? Classic.

[EEVILMURRAY]

Just imagine the pain if the tazer landed where a wang once was.

[weeyellowbloke]

Well he certainly cocked that up.

I remember reading that quite a few people do this for fun. I think they even have a championship where people try and do the most painful thing they can with their member, like smacking it with a hammer or sticking it through paper shredder.

[Raining_again]

Well he certainly cocked that up.

I remember reading that quite a few people do this for fun. I think they even have a championship where people try and do the most painful thing they can with their member, like smacking it with a hammer or sticking it through paper shredder.

Its one of the more extreme body mods fo'sho.

sticking it through a paper shredder... shudder!

[EEVILMURRAY]

The world of Jackass and Dirty Sanchez where bad things like that happen. Two instances I can recall was when one dipped his bollocks in hot coffee, and another where they dangled their balls over pool table pockets and others took shots.
sticking it through a paper shredder... shudder!
Only someone with a wang would react that way :blank:

Something you want to share?

[Raining_again]

The world of Jackass and Dirty Sanchez where bad things like that happen. Two instances I can recall was when one dipped his bollocks in hot coffee, and another where they dangled their balls over pool table pockets and others took shots.

Only someone with a wang would react that way :blank:

Something you want to share?

Well...uhm...no?

I figured, you smack a guy in the "wang" and they nearly die in pain.. Either its pretty painful or men have a low pain tolerance..

So using logical thought I would imagine a shredder can't be amazingly pain free.

Duh.

[Jimbob]

Just imagine the pain if the tazer landed where a wang once was.

It makes me cringe just thinking about that

It makes me cringe as well reading stories on here of men chopping off their penises. Imagine the pain they endure after the chop has commenced.

Both guys in both stories i read on here are idiots. I couldn't and wouldn't do such a thing in any circumstance.

Suppose looking at it in the right/funny light

"Two Men took Circumcision to the Extreme"

[Pete]

What a knob.

[Rummy]

Too funny: Look what i just found;




http://www.africamasterweb.com/AdSense/PenisManCutsOffThrowsPolice.html

Too funny. Lobbing your dick at police? Classic.

That is genius. If it wasn't so horrificaly disgusting and slight mental pain inducing, I'd want to actually see it happen. Lopping your knob off and throwing it at police, megalol.

[Ellmeister]

Call backup! They are throwing missiles!!!

I'd rather through a dildo...a lot less painful me thinks.

[navarre]

The world of Jackass and Dirty Sanchez where bad things like that happen. Two instances I can recall was when one dipped his bollocks in hot coffee, and another where they dangled their balls over pool table pockets and others took shots.

Only someone with a wang would react that way :blank:

Something you want to share?

Actually, sticking any body part in a paper shredder is generally a no-go.

[Rummy]

I told my mate and linked him about mr.lob-a-knob, his response was that he was rather more concerned with the amount of related links beneath it. After telling my other friend and ensuing discussions with her(on an unrelated topic) she managed to bring it back to this with a most legendary quote of ' 'when faced with confrontation, you just need to throw your penis at someone'.

[EEVILMURRAY]

It makes me cringe just thinking about that

It makes me cringe as well reading stories on here of men chopping off their penises. Imagine the pain they endure after the chop has commenced.

Both guys in both stories i read on here are idiots. I couldn't and wouldn't do such a thing in any circumstance.

Suppose looking at it in the right/funny light

"Two Men took Circumcision to the Extreme"
I'm being reminded of a scene from Robocop now. I'm sure we all know the one I'm talking about.

[Blue_Ninja0]

You guys must be new on the internet realm.

There's videos of previous occurrences around.

[EEVILMURRAY]

You guys must be new on the internet realm.

There's videos of previous occurrences around.
Of people chucking their choppahs about?

[ReZourceman]

*Gets hit in the eye by stray internet persons detatched testicle*

[Cube]

*Gets hit in the eye by stray internet persons detatched testicle*

So that's where mine went.

[ReZourceman]

So that's where mine went.

Wait....you wanted it back?




Woops.

[Chris the great]

my friend trimmed his pubes and caught his penis in the scissors. the said it was fairly painfull,and bledd lots.

the photo he showed me was fairly horrific, a big gash on his cock.


just realsied that sounds rude. hurhurhur

[ReZourceman]

the said it was fairly painfull,and bledd lots.

Thats like saying "man doesn't drink anything. Man dies, due to not drinking anything" :grin:

[david.dakota]

the photo he showed me was fairly horrific, a big gash on his cock.




Thats all wrong, surely the cock goes in the gash?

[dwarf gourami]

^ Hehe nice.

[EEVILMURRAY]

Thats all wrong, surely the cock goes in the gash?
Maybe he shagged himself if he picked his piece back up?

[navarre]

Kudos to the moderator that changed the thread title to its current satirical status.

[Chris the great]

Thats all wrong, surely the cock goes in the gash?

yeah, see i did elude to that joke in my post.

what im supprised by is that no one finds it odd my friend showed me a photo of his cock.

[Paj!]

yeah, see i did elude to that joke in my post.

what im supprised by is that no one finds it odd my friend showed me a photo of his cock.

I found it extremely strange. But then I couldn't be arsed trying to make a witty post that didn't just sound like a crap "gay!" joke.

[Blue_Ninja0]

Of people chucking their choppahs about?

Well, yeah, unfortunately.

[david.dakota]

what im supprised by is that no one finds it odd my friend showed me a photo of his cock.

Whats far more bizarre is the fact you didn't look away.

Friend: "you wanna see a photo of my cock, mate?"

Chris: "yeah, go on"

[BeerMonkey]

Thats all wrong, surely the cock goes in the gash?

:laughing:

thats seriously fuked up :o

[Chris the great]

Whats far more bizarre is the fact you didn't look away.

Friend: "you wanna see a photo of my cock, mate?"

Chris: "yeah, go on"

well in fairness he shows me a picture and says "can you tell what that is?" it took a few seconds.

[EEVILMURRAY]

well in fairness he shows me a picture and says "can you tell what that is?" it took a few seconds.
I had someone show me a picture like that, it was weird as fuck until revealed.

[Chris the great]

the best was a video that i couldent work out what it was, just like white witha slightly diffrent colour shape in the middle, then big brown lumps flew up. then i realised it was a video of a friend doing a poo, due to the angle of the camera, it made the poo fly upwards.

i was both disturbed and ammused.

[Paj!]

the best was a video that i couldent work out what it was, just like white witha slightly diffrent colour shape in the middle, then big brown lumps flew up. then i realised it was a video of a friend doing a poo, due to the angle of the camera, it made the poo fly upwards.

i was both disturbed and ammused.

Is this something you and your friends do often, share videos of mutilated dicks and shit spraying on a camera? :o

[EEVILMURRAY]

I must confess. There wasn't shit involved in my case.

Gutted.

[Chris the great]

Is this something you and your friends do often, share videos of mutilated dicks and shit spraying on a camera? :o

it wasnt on the camera, but outher wise, its a fairly regular occurence. at least i missed the infamous "poo chair".

[david.dakota]

it wasnt on the camera, but outher wise, its a fairly regular occurence. at least i missed the infamous "poo chair".

So all this is normal behaviour in South Shields, then? Dare i ask what the "poo chair" is?

[Chris the great]

So all this is normal behaviour in South Shields, then? Dare i ask what the "poo chair" is?

possibly not normal round south shields, just normal in my groups.

the poo chair is actualy awsome, in a wtf kind of way.

one of the guy in my friend's flat broke his office chair, so got a new one to use. the old one was difficult to store, so it was pushed intot he bathroom to be out of the way.

one guy needs a dump, and surgests some one joins him so he'l have some one to talk too.

thus, a rule was enforced, if any one went for a poo, some one had to man the poo chair, to keep them company.





my friend recently told his girlfriend this, she didn't talk to him for an hour and said she spent the time deciding if she was going to finnish him for it. she decided not to.

[david.dakota]

my friend recently told his girlfriend this, she didn't talk to him for an hour and said she spent the time deciding if she was going to finnish him for it.

Quite a reasonable reaction

she decided not to.

Not quite as reasonable.

My old neighbour died on the loo. His young granddaughters (who were there being looked after there) knocked the door, so i went round. That was a fucking sight i can tell you- he'd slipped down between the loo and the wall, bashed his head in, and had a chunk of turd on his arse. Maybe a poo chair would've been handy for him to put behind the door before his deadly shit - to stop me from being able to get in and see that wretched sight.

[Sheikah]

he'd slipped down between the loo and the wall, bashed his head in, and had a chunk of turd on his arse.
I have to say, your story makes Chris's seem like a slap on the wrists! =I

I'm sorry for his loss.