Ashley
19-11-2005, 11:05 PM
I dunno what the point of this thread is to be perfectly honest. I don't know if you care about what im about to spew out in my moderatly drunkish state (only had 2 double vodka lime and lemonades but drank them quickly), nor do I know if I care about whether you care or not (gee don't I sound arrogant). Just kind of wanted to share, because to share is to care.
So anyway, enough of the dull intro. My brother-thing, brother, Richard. That person who came out of the same woman as me. Whatever the hell im actually referring to him as, I don't know any more. On the one hand I still hate him, for all the shit he's put the family through. Not just since this started but his whole 21 years of "fuck you" attitude. Hes self-centered and immature nature has surrounded us for most of that time. He was so shite to me until he was 18 (so 15 years), used to "practice" wrestling on me and just generally be shitty to me. Then he got blindingly drunk on his 18, apologised and kinda kept to it for a few months, then reverted.
Then about two years ago...yeah must be. My parents and younger brother went on holiday and we were left together. He often had his girlfriend round and she complained that she felt unwelcome but to be honest, why should I welcome her? They were fucking in the living room while I was sat upstairs and he even said to me "its not often we get the house to ourselves." and I just replied "you don't, IM STILL HERE!" so thats no so relevent. But anyway in July when my parents went on holiday again; this time with close family friends and my nan, I thought it'd be the same all over again (sans girlfriend) but nope, much less fun.
Little background. Hes always been a bit too keen on girls, anything with a pretty face. Back in year 10 (so i was 15/16 and he was 18/19) it started, people I know coming up to me saying my brother tried to flirt with them. First it started with the school's slut, but then built up. To this day when someone says "I saw your brother the other day..." I worry a little bit. Ive become used to laughing it off, I have a very non-chalent attitude and he has very bad chat up lines.
So back to July of this year. July 27th. My parents et al went off on their holiday while I got up at silly am (as it became known) and went to work at...Shrewsbury I think. This summer I travelled round the county helping Woolworths re-merch (and then I go get fired by them, nice pay back for the 85 hours of over time I did for them in August, but different story). It was a pretty good day, several of us had lunch together and had strawberries and our old head of entertainment was in cause she now works for EUK. So all was fine and dandy until I got home.
My brother (seems like im settling for "my brother") was waiting in the doorway and then hit me with it. "I don't know what you've heard but some girls..." forget the quote, basically accused him of being a bit too handsy. Wasn't the first time and hes been to court about it before but let off for lack of evidence. It seems like theres either a) a group of girls out to get him or b) a little pact in my town that if someone gets gropey with you say its my brother. Anyway, then he told me the police had taken the computers to find evidence, all computers. The family's, my little brother's and mine. Which I saved up for and spent a great deal of money on. Which I had some work on and which obviously had all my files, bookmarks, photoshop brushes etc. They also raped everything, they took the router, the modem, the bloody USB cables!
So I tried to phone the station but was put on hold for five minutes. To be fair they wouldn't have given two shits. So I went round my "grown up" friends house. Hes only three or four years older but very mature and I explained and just broke down. I was a mess, could barely finish a sentence without tearing up. I was just broken. So he hugged me and consoled me and let me take a breather and offered to take me to the station but I decided I was in no state. So the next bet was the pub. He said I should ring some more people, so I rang my best friend and his finacee (also a friend) as I figured they'd be all mature about it.
So we went to the pub and I told them, again with the tears. But anyway I think im getting lost, this aint a blog. So next two weeks I had to deal with it, cause he wouldn't. Then anyway, my mom bought a new computer for me and my little brother (oh Richard moved out to some about two weeks after) and we had to get Virgin internet cause theres no 12 month contract and I've had to pay for that cause my mom's money is tight.
Sorry, blogging again. I dunno. Basically, its been five months, nearly exactly and last week he was arrested because they found "evidence", what I don't know exactly. But hes on repremand until Friday when he'll appear in court, probably going back in repremand until a proper trial which could be a year away. Should be getting the PCs back soon but I think they're going to wipe them. If they found evidence of say child porn (dunno if they did) then they're gonna wanna wipe that. Which I dont blame them but its damn annoying.
And it was on a local radio station....Wednesday it was. Named and everything and a few people we know have heard. They're shocked and behind us but its still... hmm. My little brother is in high school and is getting bullied because of it because kids are shite. Especially at that age. And I just feel sorry for him because this hasn't been easy on us, any of us. I just wish it never happened (well dur) but its just something thats gonna affect me for life. I know its self centered to think of myself but well fuck it. I wanna be moderatly well known, cause I still plan to create a TV show and I dunno, have visions of this all beind splattered across the sun.
Swapped rooms with my little brother which im kinda glad of because it has haunting memories, or made up ones. I just have this image whenever im in there. On movies and such (its on a Killers video) where kinda ghostly figures of past appear round you. I picture the police just being in my room. Seeing my photos of friends on the walls, seeing the emotional note my mom left befoe she went on holiday. Hell even seeing my boxers I left on the floor. So thats one room haunted.
Richard's room is haunted with the image of my mom - the day he was arrested last week...two weeks ago? Whenever it was. He phoned her and asked to bring some stuff and I went with her to his room and she was running in auto, I could tell she wanted to break down but was holding it together. And I just feel sorry for her, shes an ace mom and she doesnt deserve this, nobody does really.
And this thread? I dunno, im not looking for sympathy or "sorry to hear"s (i'd appreciate it, dont get me wrong. im not ungrateful but im not scrouging for them) but more theraputic. Ive tied as much as I can. As Veronica Mars (so i love that show perhaps a bit too much) said tidying is very theraputic "because for a few short minutes you're in control." But now I need to splurt. Im dropping out of college (cant handle the work load on top of work and whats going on, its okay thought cause it was filler til Uni in sept) on Monday but may see if I can still go see the support peopley thing. Theres got to be someone I can just go talk to because I need somone I dont know, someone to spew to and for advice. I want to be strong on the surface but im sinking toward depression. I can feel it and I dont want it.
So yeah, if you managed to read that essay, well done. Hell im going to bed (well watch Buffy) now. I may wake up tomorrow and delete this thread. Ive gotten it out of my system which is something I needed. Whether its the right outlet, I dunno. We'll see. Thanks to those who read and some people may annoy me at times (constant moaning, but in a kinda "gotta love em" way) I do love this community. Its a nice place at the end of the day. So anyway im stopping now! I promise! See, done.
So anyway, enough of the dull intro. My brother-thing, brother, Richard. That person who came out of the same woman as me. Whatever the hell im actually referring to him as, I don't know any more. On the one hand I still hate him, for all the shit he's put the family through. Not just since this started but his whole 21 years of "fuck you" attitude. Hes self-centered and immature nature has surrounded us for most of that time. He was so shite to me until he was 18 (so 15 years), used to "practice" wrestling on me and just generally be shitty to me. Then he got blindingly drunk on his 18, apologised and kinda kept to it for a few months, then reverted.
Then about two years ago...yeah must be. My parents and younger brother went on holiday and we were left together. He often had his girlfriend round and she complained that she felt unwelcome but to be honest, why should I welcome her? They were fucking in the living room while I was sat upstairs and he even said to me "its not often we get the house to ourselves." and I just replied "you don't, IM STILL HERE!" so thats no so relevent. But anyway in July when my parents went on holiday again; this time with close family friends and my nan, I thought it'd be the same all over again (sans girlfriend) but nope, much less fun.
Little background. Hes always been a bit too keen on girls, anything with a pretty face. Back in year 10 (so i was 15/16 and he was 18/19) it started, people I know coming up to me saying my brother tried to flirt with them. First it started with the school's slut, but then built up. To this day when someone says "I saw your brother the other day..." I worry a little bit. Ive become used to laughing it off, I have a very non-chalent attitude and he has very bad chat up lines.
So back to July of this year. July 27th. My parents et al went off on their holiday while I got up at silly am (as it became known) and went to work at...Shrewsbury I think. This summer I travelled round the county helping Woolworths re-merch (and then I go get fired by them, nice pay back for the 85 hours of over time I did for them in August, but different story). It was a pretty good day, several of us had lunch together and had strawberries and our old head of entertainment was in cause she now works for EUK. So all was fine and dandy until I got home.
My brother (seems like im settling for "my brother") was waiting in the doorway and then hit me with it. "I don't know what you've heard but some girls..." forget the quote, basically accused him of being a bit too handsy. Wasn't the first time and hes been to court about it before but let off for lack of evidence. It seems like theres either a) a group of girls out to get him or b) a little pact in my town that if someone gets gropey with you say its my brother. Anyway, then he told me the police had taken the computers to find evidence, all computers. The family's, my little brother's and mine. Which I saved up for and spent a great deal of money on. Which I had some work on and which obviously had all my files, bookmarks, photoshop brushes etc. They also raped everything, they took the router, the modem, the bloody USB cables!
So I tried to phone the station but was put on hold for five minutes. To be fair they wouldn't have given two shits. So I went round my "grown up" friends house. Hes only three or four years older but very mature and I explained and just broke down. I was a mess, could barely finish a sentence without tearing up. I was just broken. So he hugged me and consoled me and let me take a breather and offered to take me to the station but I decided I was in no state. So the next bet was the pub. He said I should ring some more people, so I rang my best friend and his finacee (also a friend) as I figured they'd be all mature about it.
So we went to the pub and I told them, again with the tears. But anyway I think im getting lost, this aint a blog. So next two weeks I had to deal with it, cause he wouldn't. Then anyway, my mom bought a new computer for me and my little brother (oh Richard moved out to some about two weeks after) and we had to get Virgin internet cause theres no 12 month contract and I've had to pay for that cause my mom's money is tight.
Sorry, blogging again. I dunno. Basically, its been five months, nearly exactly and last week he was arrested because they found "evidence", what I don't know exactly. But hes on repremand until Friday when he'll appear in court, probably going back in repremand until a proper trial which could be a year away. Should be getting the PCs back soon but I think they're going to wipe them. If they found evidence of say child porn (dunno if they did) then they're gonna wanna wipe that. Which I dont blame them but its damn annoying.
And it was on a local radio station....Wednesday it was. Named and everything and a few people we know have heard. They're shocked and behind us but its still... hmm. My little brother is in high school and is getting bullied because of it because kids are shite. Especially at that age. And I just feel sorry for him because this hasn't been easy on us, any of us. I just wish it never happened (well dur) but its just something thats gonna affect me for life. I know its self centered to think of myself but well fuck it. I wanna be moderatly well known, cause I still plan to create a TV show and I dunno, have visions of this all beind splattered across the sun.
Swapped rooms with my little brother which im kinda glad of because it has haunting memories, or made up ones. I just have this image whenever im in there. On movies and such (its on a Killers video) where kinda ghostly figures of past appear round you. I picture the police just being in my room. Seeing my photos of friends on the walls, seeing the emotional note my mom left befoe she went on holiday. Hell even seeing my boxers I left on the floor. So thats one room haunted.
Richard's room is haunted with the image of my mom - the day he was arrested last week...two weeks ago? Whenever it was. He phoned her and asked to bring some stuff and I went with her to his room and she was running in auto, I could tell she wanted to break down but was holding it together. And I just feel sorry for her, shes an ace mom and she doesnt deserve this, nobody does really.
And this thread? I dunno, im not looking for sympathy or "sorry to hear"s (i'd appreciate it, dont get me wrong. im not ungrateful but im not scrouging for them) but more theraputic. Ive tied as much as I can. As Veronica Mars (so i love that show perhaps a bit too much) said tidying is very theraputic "because for a few short minutes you're in control." But now I need to splurt. Im dropping out of college (cant handle the work load on top of work and whats going on, its okay thought cause it was filler til Uni in sept) on Monday but may see if I can still go see the support peopley thing. Theres got to be someone I can just go talk to because I need somone I dont know, someone to spew to and for advice. I want to be strong on the surface but im sinking toward depression. I can feel it and I dont want it.
So yeah, if you managed to read that essay, well done. Hell im going to bed (well watch Buffy) now. I may wake up tomorrow and delete this thread. Ive gotten it out of my system which is something I needed. Whether its the right outlet, I dunno. We'll see. Thanks to those who read and some people may annoy me at times (constant moaning, but in a kinda "gotta love em" way) I do love this community. Its a nice place at the end of the day. So anyway im stopping now! I promise! See, done.