Do you really get over the first person you've Loved?

[King_V]

Really like to hear from the women of the board too. And when I mean 'loved', I mean that you were actually in a relationship and not a form of unrequited, love-thy-stranger. Is your first boyfriend or girlfriend always in your mind? Do you often think what could have been? And even when you're currently in love and in another relationship? If so, would you say those feelings are unfair on your current partner?

[Dyson]

Interesting question..

[Fierce_LiNk]

To your question: Yes. You can get over it. You move on. I guess a small part of you will always love that person, and you always will have memories of them. But, over time, you will have more memories to remember, and that person you loved becomes a chapter in that great book you call life.

So, in short, you can love and then love again. At least that's what I've learned.

You're not meant to forget or not care about them completely. It makes you the person who you are, and it takes a lot of determination, time and heartache to let go of that.

[King_V]

To your question: Yes. You can get over it. You move on. I guess a small part of you will always love that person, and you always will have memories of them. But, over time, you will have more memories to remember, and that person you loved becomes a chapter in that great book you call life.

So, in short, you can love and then love again. At least that's what I've learned.

You're not meant to forget or not care about them completely. It makes you the person who you are, and it takes a lot of determination, time and heartache to let go of that.

Great answer... I think as a person, I can be a little 'needy' and perhaps slightly possessive. Once I have opened my heart to someone (which is rare, as I've always liked the free as a bird ladies man thing ^^), its incredibly hard for me to let go. I really hate the feeling of unmutual love, and I feel your first love always gets a big chunk of your heart and everyone else after that... well it might not feel the same.

If my current rela (which is my first) was to end, I reckon I would either have a greater degree of focus in the things I love doing but be extremely weary of entering another relationship or I just wouldn't love the next one(s) as much as my current... even if they were like my perfect match... kinda sad, and I don't just mean emotionally but the fact that I doubt I could move on completely.

[Shorty]

Yup. Easy. Done it.

[Aimless]

If my current rela (which is my first) was to end, I reckon I would either have a greater degree of focus in the things I love doing but be extremely weary of entering another relationship or I just wouldn't love the next one(s) as much as my current... even if they were like my perfect match... kinda sad, and I don't just mean emotionally but the fact that I doubt I could move on completely.
I'm not claiming to be an authority, but I don't think you can quantify feelings like that. I understand why you might doubt your ability to love someone else as much as your current partner, but I would say that is largely down to the shock of the new; feelings rushed at you as if from nowhere, and it's hard to believe such an ostensible miracle could happen twice. It's a bit like tasting chocolate for the first time as a kid: even if it was the cheapest bar in the shop, it's so sweet and different to anything else you've experienced before it's hard to imagine something topping it.

I'm not trying to cheapen your current relationship with that comment, by the way; maybe you hit upon the Lindt bunny first time, so to speak. But even if that is the case, it doesn't mean you're doomed to a life of relationships that can't live up to that first bite. It isn't like people go, "I have 55 love for my current partner, but I had 72 with the first person I met." There isn't a gauge or any kind of measurement system because that isn't how feelings work. Do people love newer partners in the same way as their old ones? Most likely not. But it isn't a case of 'better' or 'worse', but one of 'different'. So if your relationship was to end you could well never know love like it again. But you would love again, and it could be just as strong in its own way.

[thunderer]

I have no current partner. I still have strong feelings for my first girlfriend; my 'first love', even so much as to say i may still love her, i think about her a lot, more so than a lot of people probably think. Interested to find out how i end up feeling when in another relationship. It can be hard sometimes, just started uni and there is so much change around.

[King_V]

I'm not claiming to be an authority, but I don't think you can quantify feelings like that. I understand why you might doubt your ability to love someone else as much as your current partner, but I would say that is largely down to the shock of the new; feelings rushed at you as if from nowhere, and it's hard to believe such an ostensible miracle could happen twice. It's a bit like tasting chocolate for the first time as a kid: even if it was the cheapest bar in the shop, it's so sweet and different to anything else you've experienced before it's hard to imagine something topping it.

I'm not trying to cheapen your current relationship with that comment, by the way; maybe you hit upon the Lindt bunny first time, so to speak. But even if that is the case, it doesn't mean you're doomed to a life of relationships that can't live up to that first bite. It isn't like people go, "I have 55 love for my current partner, but I had 72 with the first person I met." There isn't a gauge or any kind of measurement system because that isn't how feelings work. Do people love newer partners in the same way as their old ones? Most likely not. But it isn't a case of 'better' or 'worse', but one of 'different'. So if your relationship was to end you could well never know love like it again. But you would love again, and it could be just as strong in its own way.

Brilliant analogy lol! Wonderful post. (Thanks).

[EEVILMURRAY]

No. Mainly because I was too proud a fuck to chane my mind. The probable second thing which has sapped my emotion.

[ReZourceman]

Think so, well it depends on the situation, but yes definitely (and are some things really love when...yadda yadda yadda) Yes to the other thing.

[rokhed00]

Yep, course you can, unless of course it is the love of your life/kindred spirit/soul mate/the one, but that so rarely happens first time.

[Raining_again]

I don't think I've ever loved someone, I'm very anti social :heh:

[nightwolf]

Yes it happens and I think the best answer was flinky's. It's a difficult thing to let go off, espcially your first love, it can take a long time, but you can move on and love somebody else.

It's one of those things you just have to be patient with, people are in such a rush to fall in love, get married and have kids. At the end of the day real love doesn't work like that.

[DanielTimothy]

Yeah. She was a bitch.

[chairdriver]

Yeah. She was a bitch.

Doesn't sound like love...

[nightwolf]

Doesn't sound like love...

Love can quite easily turn to hate.

[ReZourceman]

Love can quite easily turn to hate.

No thats fear......

[Ganepark32]

Yep. I managed it. Have been best friends with her ever since, although it is slightly awkward but that's to be expected. Haven't spoken to her in ages though so seeing this thread has made me want to go and give her a buzz.

[D_prOdigy]

I guess it depends on the circumstances, not to mention how young you are at the time. I don't at all imagine it's easier if the relationship ends badly or not, but if he/she moves far away it could be easier to deal with, and there's also no-one to blame.

But yeah, I could never speak from personal experience :heh:

[nightwolf]

No thats fear......

Fear? Surely fear would be just before the end, rather than after.

edit: or am I really that tired not to know what you are on about?

[King_V]

Doesn't sound like love...

Actually...lol...My girlfriend is a bit of a bitch too. She would do shit like not pick my calls for no reason, or say i should call back later... then she sleeps on me. Hasn't ever considered splitting the bill on dates, rarely asks about me and how I'm doing in a general make-conversation sense, and one killer blow! Once she has came, she won't wait for me to!!!!11!!!11!!!

...But I uh... still love her.

I ended the relationship like last week cause of the communication issue. But then melted and reconciled. (am I an idiot people?) I KNOW that someone out there can treat me better, who may just be even more beautiful and sexy etc but the thought of being with someone else right now (and even for the week we were away) just seems undoable.

Fear? Surely fear would be just before the end, rather than after.

edit: or am I really that tired not to know what you are on about?

Yoda reference. :bowdown:

[nightwolf]

Actually...lol...My girlfriend is a bit of a bitch too. She would do shit like not pick my calls for no reason, or say i should call back later... then she sleeps on me. Hasn't ever considered splitting the bill on dates, rarely asks about me and how I'm doing in a general make-conversation sense, and one killer blow! Once she has came, she won't wait for me to!!!!11!!!11!!!

...But I uh... still love her.

I ended the relationship like last week cause of the communication issue. But then melted and reconciled. (am I an idiot people?) I KNOW that someone out there can treat me better, who may just be even more beautiful and sexy etc but the thought of being with someone else right now (and even for the week we were away) just seems undoable.



Yoda reference. :bowdown:

You need to see if you can outweigh the bad with the good, if you can't, it's time to let go.

She sounds abit of a bitch I have to say, woman can be quite testy at the best of times, but surely spiltting the bills etc is just plain annoying.

Who says you need to be with anybody just now? Why can't you just take a breather and then when you feel ready, whenever that happens to be, you find somebody else?

and ta haha, I knew I was being slow.

[DanielTimothy]

(am I an idiot people?)

Depends on how hot she is to be honest.

[King_V]

You need to see if you can outweigh the bad with the good, if you can't, it's time to let go.

She sounds abit of a bitch I have to say, woman can be quite testy at the best of times, but surely spiltting the bills etc is just plain annoying.

Who says you need to be with anybody just now? Why can't you just take a breather and then when you feel ready, whenever that happens to be, you find somebody else?

and ta haha, I knew I was being slow.

EXACTLY! : peace: ... But the 'good' may be subjective. For example, Im all good just to see her, be with her etc. Annd right now that 'seems' to outweigh the bad or at least balances out. But thats only because I guess i don't ask for much or need anything more than that.

Yeah, its annoying especially considering she works longer hours than me and most her outcome go to clothes etc, while I'm slaving my ASS in two part time jobs as a full time student and a full time athlete. LMAO. Technically, shes nothing but a burden on my finances... Even still... I still love her.

[nightwolf]

EXACTLY! : peace: ... But the 'good' may be subjective. For example, Im all good just to see her, be with her etc. Annd right now that 'seems' to outweigh the bad or at least balances out. But thats only because I guess i don't ask for much or need anything more than that.

Yeah, its annoying especially considering she works longer hours than me and most her outcome go to clothes etc, while I'm slaving my ASS in two part time jobs as a full time student and a full time athlete. LMAO. Technically, shes nothing but a burden on my finances... Even still... I still love her.

haha but love doesn't always have to be like that and shouldn't be like that, love means you support one another.

If my other half had an issue with money, I'd drop by clothes and help them out.

As it is I don't know her other than what you've said, so my opinion is very biased. But alot of the time when you question things you already know the answer is no you shouldn't be with her.

[King_V]

haha but love doesn't always have to be like that and shouldn't be like that, love means you support one another.

If my other half had an issue with money, I'd drop by clothes and help them out.

As it is I don't know her other than what you've said, so my opinion is very biased. But alot of the time when you question things you already know the answer is no you shouldn't be with her.

Yeah... You're... right. (oh, why couldn't she be more like you? :heart: ). The thing is, she has told me she was a true bitch back in her school days... slapping boys etc etc... But she knows she has cooled down since then... So I kind of have faith in her that maybe over time she would realise these things. But you definitely are on point, so thanks... I'll just how this goes I guess.

[nightwolf]

Yeah... You're... right. (oh, why couldn't she be more like you? :heart: ). The thing is, she has told me she was a true bitch back in her school days... slapping boys etc etc... But she knows she has cooled down since then... So I kind of have faith in her that maybe over time she would realise these things. But you definitely are on point, so thanks... I'll just how this goes I guess.


Your welcome, it's never easy because nobody can give you a definate answer because we don't know her and we don't love her.

It sounds like she just needs to realise that you notice these things, honesty is key otherwise it just goes down the pan.

[bluey]

It sounds like she just needs to realise that you notice these things, honesty is key otherwise it just goes down the pan.
QFT. if you're serious about someone you gotta be 100% honest with them or they wont be able to make an informed decision about whether they really wanna be with YOU or not... they'll be going out with the abridged version of you... *nods* :blank:

[King_V]

Yeah... and for the most part I've told her all this minus the bill and sex thing lolol. I always strive to be honest, but Im not the kinda guy to be brutally honest - I pity people too much. Shes two years younger than me (20), and I believe during your early 20s is when your true personality is finally formed. (Like the cooling magma from a volcanic eruption). I will have faith, but I'm not stupid either so I will know what must be, must be. So if we were to finally split, I would just be proud of myself that I tried very hard till the end, perhaps giving me better 'endurance' for other relatonships.

[Babooo]

interesting question, one which i think fierce link answered for me. its gonna be hard to get over your first love, but I think its possible. just gonna take alot of time....gotta be patient and jus take it as it comes.

p.s was jus watching episode 4 of smallville.....it talks about this same issue....how clark can't get over lana.....and chloe can't get over clark. jus a coincidence. lol.

[Aimless]

I ended the relationship like last week cause of the communication issue. But then melted and reconciled. (am I an idiot people?) I KNOW that someone out there can treat me better, who may just be even more beautiful and sexy etc but the thought of being with someone else right now (and even for the week we were away) just seems undoable.
It's analogy time again: When you start driving your first set of wheels is inevitably rather basic; perhaps it has trouble starting when the weather is frosty, the passenger seat is stuck too far forward and there's a knack to opening the boot. It might not be soft-top sports car of your dreams, but it gets you from A to B and allows you to broaden your horizons. Now at some point perhaps it starts being more of a hindrance than a help — it won't start and constantly makes you late for work, you always seem to be paying for parts to be replaced, it burns fuel like a 4x4, etcetera — and that is when you have to say to yourself, "Right, this simply isn't worth it anymore, I just need to dump it and go without a vehicle until I come across something better."

However, when you've reached that point is something only you can say; other people can raise the possibility, but in the end it comes down to you. And there are things you can do other than running it into the ground: perhaps a bolt tightened here, or a spot of welding there could make everything work much more smoothly. And generally any car is better than no car.

Anyway, I think I've stretched that metaphor way beyond breaking point now. To summarise what I was trying to say: we can't tell you if it's time to move on, that's something you have to decide for yourself; if you don't try to fix things then they won't remedy themselves, and things that seem clear from your perspective might need to be brought to your partner's attention; if you're still getting something out of your relationship, you should ask yourself whether you'd really be better off with none at all.

That final point, the 'making do for a lack of anything better' part, might be a bit contentious. However, I'm an all or nothing kind of guy and... well, as a general rule I'm left with the latter, and it isn't that great. That's just the person that I am, but in the hope that you aren't like me — always a healthily optimistic approach — don't be so quick to deny yourself something positive just because it isn't as great as it could be. You aren't marrying this person or otherwise binding yourself to them in the long-term, so enjoy it for what it is rather than focus on what it is not.

[rokhed00]

Yes it happens and I think the best answer was flinky's. It's a difficult thing to let go off, espcially your first love, it can take a long time, but you can move on and love somebody else.


First love is the easiest to get over usually, as it just some childish infatuation.

[Dannyboy-the-Dane]

First love is the easiest to get over usually, as it just some childish infatuation.
Ah, but is that the love in question? Sure, you can fancy many people during your lifetime and be infatuated by them, but real heartbeat-causing, sweattypalm-provoking, nervousness-inducing love doesn't come often. If we're talking about the latter, I don't think you get over it that easily. Flink nailed it IMO.

To add one element to Aimless' analogy, a factor to include in your weighing of good vs. bad things is your feelings for her. Like you said, the good things can be subjective. If you really do love her, you gotta try to make it work. I like your attitude towards the situation, but of course you need to be realistic.

[Ellmeister]

If its child infatuation you can't really call it your first love. I'm still kind of in love with mine, just with a few more complications.

Eventually people do get over anything though.

[Raining_again]

It's analogy time again: When you start driving your first set of wheels is inevitably rather basic; perhaps it has trouble starting when the weather is frosty, the passenger seat is stuck too far forward and there's a knack to opening the boot. It might not be soft-top sports car of your dreams, but it gets you from A to B and allows you to broaden your horizons. Now at some point perhaps it starts being more of a hindrance than a help — it won't start and constantly makes you late for work, you always seem to be paying for parts to be replaced, it burns fuel like a 4x4, etcetera — and that is when you have to say to yourself, "Right, this simply isn't worth it anymore, I just need to dump it and go without a vehicle until I come across something better."

However, when you've reached that point is something only you can say; other people can raise the possibility, but in the end it comes down to you. And there are things you can do other than running it into the ground: perhaps a bolt tightened here, or a spot of welding there could make everything work much more smoothly. And generally any car is better than no car.

Anyway, I think I've stretched that metaphor way beyond breaking point now. To summarise what I was trying to say: we can't tell you if it's time to move on, that's something you have to decide for yourself; if you don't try to fix things then they won't remedy themselves, and things that seem clear from your perspective might need to be brought to your partner's attention; if you're still getting something out of your relationship, you should ask yourself whether you'd really be better off with none at all.

That final point, the 'making do for a lack of anything better' part, might be a bit contentious. However, I'm an all or nothing kind of guy and... well, as a general rule I'm left with the latter, and it isn't that great. That's just the person that I am, but in the hope that you aren't like me — always a healthily optimistic approach — don't be so quick to deny yourself something positive just because it isn't as great as it could be. You aren't marrying this person or otherwise binding yourself to them in the long-term, so enjoy it for what it is rather than focus on what it is not.

All I can say is - wow :heart:

[nightwolf]

First love is the easiest to get over usually, as it just some childish infatuation.


I found my first actual love really difficult to get over, my first infuation was easy.

That is what I meant.

[King_V]

It's analogy time again: When you start driving your first set of wheels is inevitably rather basic; perhaps it has trouble starting when the weather is frosty, the passenger seat is stuck too far forward and there's a knack to opening the boot. It might not be soft-top sports car of your dreams, but it gets you from A to B and allows you to broaden your horizons. Now at some point perhaps it starts being more of a hindrance than a help — it won't start and constantly makes you late for work, you always seem to be paying for parts to be replaced, it burns fuel like a 4x4, etcetera — and that is when you have to say to yourself, "Right, this simply isn't worth it anymore, I just need to dump it and go without a vehicle until I come across something better."

However, when you've reached that point is something only you can say; other people can raise the possibility, but in the end it comes down to you. And there are things you can do other than running it into the ground: perhaps a bolt tightened here, or a spot of welding there could make everything work much more smoothly. And generally any car is better than no car.

Anyway, I think I've stretched that metaphor way beyond breaking point now. To summarise what I was trying to say: we can't tell you if it's time to move on, that's something you have to decide for yourself; if you don't try to fix things then they won't remedy themselves, and things that seem clear from your perspective might need to be brought to your partner's attention; if you're still getting something out of your relationship, you should ask yourself whether you'd really be better off with none at all.

That final point, the 'making do for a lack of anything better' part, might be a bit contentious. However, I'm an all or nothing kind of guy and... well, as a general rule I'm left with the latter, and it isn't that great. That's just the person that I am, but in the hope that you aren't like me — always a healthily optimistic approach — don't be so quick to deny yourself something positive just because it isn't as great as it could be. You aren't marrying this person or otherwise binding yourself to them in the long-term, so enjoy it for what it is rather than focus on what it is not.

Another brilliant post.And I don't see your viewpoint as contentious as I guess its just being realistic.

[Rummy]

You're a fiend, V! I was going to post a very similar thread to this at some point, but laziness never got me round to it. I'm also about to nap and short pressed for time, so I'm gonna read through this whole thread(only read a few posts so far) then post a nice long response. Currently I'll stick with my short response, which is yes you get over them and no you don't, both at the same time.

[King_V]

To add one element to Aimless' analogy, a factor to include in your weighing of good vs. bad things is your feelings for her. Like you said, the good things can be subjective. If you really do love her, you gotta try to make it work. I like your attitude towards the situation, but of course you need to be realistic.

Yeah, thats how I feel. Try to work on it, which corresponds to Aimless' bolt and nut analogy. I couldn't really move on knowing I never done all I could to secure the relationship. And if one had that attitude of leaving as soon as things get low in your first loving relationship, I think it would only get worst as one may not have the patience anymore.

So many things about my girl annoys me, but I shouldn't really be expecting to be with a person that fits an ideal I have created in my mind - that isn't fair.

You're a fiend, V! I was going to post a very similar thread to this at some point, but laziness never got me round to it. I'm also about to nap and short pressed for time, so I'm gonna read through this whole thread(only read a few posts so far) then post a nice long response. Currently I'll stick with my short response, which is yes you get over them and no you don't, both at the same time.

^^

I've really been on topic mode these days... anyway multiple topic switching is making my ears hurt, so I'll be lazy too. ;)

[Dannyboy-the-Dane]

So many things about my girl annoys me, but I shouldn't really be expecting to be with a person that fits an ideal I have created in my mind - that isn't fair.
Nor is it fair to you if she treats you like shit. She may not be your ideal woman (no one really is), but don't just accept everything she trows at you. Remember, it takes two to tango, and likewise the respect and altruism in a relationship should be mutual.

Keep working on it. :) Tell her about your concerns. If she argues reasonably against them (and by reasonably I don't mean with feelings, but with solid facts!), you may have to rethink your expectations. But if she gets mad and starts shouting at you without actually arguing reasonably against your points, it is likely she is aware of her own behavioural problems. With what you have described, though, I hardly think your expectations are too high. On the contrary, I think you put up with too much from her.

But as I said, keep working on it! :)

[Ashley]

If we're apparently discluding childhood love (which im not sure why because hell, its closest I've ever been to love (and closest I'd imagine I'll ever get...maybe)...and what age does one stop being a child as I was around 14 and in a relationship for over a year and it sure did feel like love) than I've been in love. So I'm doomed it seems :p

[Ellmeister]

Well you can obviously be in love then, but usually around childhood from experience and knowledge of other's experiences its just infatuation.

Theres always someone for everyone, you just need to work hard to find them :p and then work harder to keep them.

[bluey]

First love is the easiest to get over usually, as it just some childish infatuation.

*sigh* ...captain planet didnt even know i existed :sad:

[Goron_3]

Eugh, first love.
It ended badly with me and my first love; we were friends before and we never really talk anymore. It hurts me, a lot. I mean, I think about her everyday...It's so strange to think that we broke up almost 18 months ago and it'll never be the same again. I've realised recently that even though we do try and make small talk and even though i want us to be close again, it's not going to happen. It's about time I realise that sometimes things like this happen and that I should just forget about her.

Am I over her? Yes, i don't feel for her in that way anymore..haven't for a long time actually (that said, she was fit as, occasionally she does pop into my head and sexy thoughts are flying all over the place). But for now, a part of me still yearns for her touch (i see her at the bus stop for school everyday), but i will never go hug her simply because it's an empty hug; there's nothing there anymore. I do wonder sometimes, does she think about me? I mean, it's not like there's a chance either of us would ever get feelings for each other, but we were such important people in each others lives. Yes, you do get over the first person you've loved but i think a part of you will still always think about them because it's such a learning curve your first love.

Eugh, women.

[Dyson]

...no. At the moment, I don't think I ever will.

[King_V]

Nor is it fair to you if she treats you like shit. She may not be your ideal woman (no one really is), but don't just accept everything she trows at you. Remember, it takes two to tango, and likewise the respect and altruism in a relationship should be mutual.

Keep working on it. :) Tell her about your concerns. If she argues reasonably against them (and by reasonably I don't mean with feelings, but with solid facts!), you may have to rethink your expectations. But if she gets mad and starts shouting at you without actually arguing reasonably against your points, it is likely she is aware of her own behavioural problems. With what you have described, though, I hardly think your expectations are too high. On the contrary, I think you put up with too much from her.

But as I said, keep working on it! :)

For a guy your age (sorry, I hate to mention age), you pretty much are on point and seem to know what you want, which is great to see. Even with everything though, I still think she is special and so that just motivates me to work on it. I've probably made her sound worst than what she really is. She can be very loving and sensual, but there are elements of a Jekyll and Hyde personality (or does that go for all women? ;))

Depends on how hot she is to be honest.

You know, first few times I saw her, I thought nothing of her lol. Shes pretty and has a nice figure but... you know, so do a few billion other women. Thats really why i'm happy, because it wasn't really an attraction 100% based on her appearance.

...no. At the moment, I don't think I ever will.

Damn man... It might feel good to let it all out...:(

[uəʌəsʎɐɾ]

Jekyll & Hyde pretty much goes for every person ever. It's something that goes both ways - getting to know who someone really is means you'll be revealing yourself too. First loves are usually fuelled by "omg I can't believe someone actually likes me this much! Especially someone as cool as them! I must be so lucky... I must therefore act as if I am walking on ice and tip-toe around them until the pressure builds and I have to confront them with an entire list of things I hate about them"...

Rokhed's comment about infactuation is along these lines, I'd say. My first love was some mega-hot chick, whose personality was pretty damn wrong for me. But once someone lets you in, you treat that as a reason for love, rather than the stuff you find within them, which you may not like at all and convince yourself it's something you can put up with because you don't think you'll ever have as much sex ever again.

My first love stole a bit of my heart. Some say I gave it to her willingly, but I think it was all part of her master plan. She's probably got a pile of heart chunks, and spends all her nights trying to piece them together to make herself a proper, blood-pumping heart to replace the stone-cold one that does nothing but make her a-- .... yeah. Yeah I'm over her. She's stupidly skinny now, too.

The next one is always better.

[Dannyboy-the-Dane]

For a guy your age (sorry, I hate to mention age), you pretty much are on point and seem to know what you want, which is great to see. Even with everything though, I still think she is special and so that just motivates me to work on it. I've probably made her sound worst than what she really is. She can be very loving and sensual, but there are elements of a Jekyll and Hyde personality (or does that go for all women? ;))



You know, first few times I saw her, I thought nothing of her lol. Shes pretty and has a nice figure but... you know, so do a few billion other women. Thats really why i'm happy, because it wasn't really an attraction 100% based on her appearance.



Damn man... It might feel good to let it all out...:(
Thank you for the nice comment. :)

About the Jekyll and Hyde thing ... once a month, dude ... once a month ... :p

Jekyll & Hyde pretty much goes for every person ever. It's something that goes both ways - getting to know who someone really is means you'll be revealing yourself too. First loves are usually fuelled by "omg I can't believe someone actually likes me this much! Especially someone as cool as them! I must be so lucky... I must therefore act as if I am walking on ice and tip-toe around them until the pressure builds and I have to confront them with an entire list of things I hate about them"...

Rokhed's comment about infactuation is along these lines, I'd say. My first love was some mega-hot chick, whose personality was pretty damn wrong for me. But once someone lets you in, you treat that as a reason for love, rather than the stuff you find within them, which you may not like at all and convince yourself it's something you can put up with because you don't think you'll ever have as much sex ever again.

My first love stole a bit of my heart. Some say I gave it to her willingly, but I think it was all part of her master plan. She's probably got a pile of heart chunks, and spends all her nights trying to piece them together to make herself a proper, blood-pumping heart to replace the stone-cold one that does nothing but make her a-- .... yeah. Yeah I'm over her. She's stupidly skinny now, too.

The next one is always better.
That's one heck of a metaphor, dude.

I still don't think infatuation and love is the same thing. I definitely know I can feel the difference - but maybe they're not always easily extinguished?

[King_V]

I still don't think infatuation and love is the same thing. I definitely know I can feel the difference - but maybe they're not always easily extinguished?


I agree. I mean, I've had year long crushes at school and my most recent crush lasted a good two years LMAO. A good two years of going to a certain area at a certain time I know she'll be there just to see her walk past... Freaky I know. But even still, that infatuation does not compare to love, especially when you stand back and compare the two.

[Dannyboy-the-Dane]

I've been infatuated with lots of girls. Some more than others. But I've only ever really felt in love with one girl. It lasted for 3-4 years, and she still has a special place in my heart, though I think most of the feelings have subsided.

[weeyellowbloke]

In my case, maybe, or to put it another way, sort of. There are still some residual feelings there, but to be honest it was pretty much unrequited love/lust. She's one of my biggest regrets in that I didn't take opportunity to make a perminent arrangement when I had the chance. But now she's moved in with a fella and I've got my girl and we've both moved on. If she broke up with her man and asked me again would I do it? Hmmmm, no I think I'm happy enough where I am at the moment. :smile: Guess I am over her after all.

[King_V]

In my case, maybe, or to put it another way, sort of. There are still some residual feelings there, but to be honest it was pretty much unrequited love/lust. She's one of my biggest regrets in that I didn't take opportunity to make a perminent arrangement when I had the chance. But now she's moved in with a fella and I've got my girl and we've both moved on. If she broke up with her man and asked me again would I do it? Hmmmm, no I think I'm happy enough where I am at the moment. :smile: Guess I am over her after all.

...Doesn't sound like you've completely conquered the feeling...

[Jav_NE]

You hold a place for them in your heart, but that's all. I remember my first girlfriend and i can think back to that time dearly, but i dont still love her.

[Rummy]

Lust and Infatuation are both seeds of Love as far as I'm concerned. They plant in your heart too, and they never ever leave. Just as a bit of fun reading, I'm gonna mention and suggest people check out the Triangular Theory of Love (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Triangular_theory_of_love) which deals with all types of love, but I think it rather interesting to consider. I also use terms like Love and heart loosely in this post, interchangably maybe with Lust and head, I guess. I'm doing exactly what I'm going to criticise, and dressing it all up.

Alot of 'love' relationships grow from a seed of lust, I'd say it grows into infatuation and eventually into love. But my biggest problem with love(I'm a massive cynic) is that it's so over romanticised. Let's face it, we're just animals at the end of the day and it's just alot of shit happening in our bodies. I'll back this point up with the example of people who come out of relationships(or are supposedly in them) and speedily move onto the next person. Apparently loving each and every one of them. It devalues Love, in my eyes.

Love is shallow, it's just so intense but also hard to obtain/achieve at times, and very sorely missed when lost, that people inevitably dress it up as some mystic thing that's more than it is. It's a dangerous thing too, it can make and break people, utterly destroy them. Sometimes only for a while, sometimes forever. The pain you get from a broken heart, a broken love, is just as intense as the love itself and it's fucking brutal because you always forget that it actually hurts that much. It puts me off love altogether, sometimes.

Being so intense, I think it's impossible to forget or that people just choose deep down not to let go. Why let go of a happy memory(or at least a memory of something so good)? Why give up something that made us feel so alive?! That's what love does, it makes you feel ALIVE, more alive than anything else! Personally, I think no love ever truly dies, it withers and stays in your heart as a dead love, but it's still there as a memory. Even when you 'move on' you still hold a part of that love, that person, in your heart or whatever. You CAN love again though, you can find something new and alive to grow in you, outgrow that old and dead kind of love, and maybe it'll last, or maybe it'll just die as well. I've kind of moved into ramble here.
Also gonna highlight jay's post as I found it amusing but also think it's spot on.
Rokhed's comment about infactuation is along these lines, I'd say. My first love was some mega-hot chick, whose personality was pretty damn wrong for me. But once someone lets you in, you treat that as a reason for love, rather than the stuff you find within them, which you may not like at all and convince yourself it's something you can put up with because you don't think you'll ever have as much sex ever again.

My first love stole a bit of my heart. Some say I gave it to her willingly, but I think it was all part of her master plan. She's probably got a pile of heart chunks, and spends all her nights trying to piece them together to make herself a proper, blood-pumping heart to replace the stone-cold one that does nothing but make her a-- .... yeah. Yeah I'm over her. She's stupidly skinny now, too.
Some other people have touched on it too, how easily love can turn to hate and bitterness. Does it make it easier to cope? I don't know. If love is so great and so good, why does it turn so easily and readily to something so black and horrible? How do we go so quickly from supposedly loving a person to hating them?
My original thread was going to be along the lines of love, whether it dies, whether you truly get over things, move on, but also most importantly(why i liked j's post) what IS love? When does love start, what makes love love? Why isn't an infactuation love, why isn't childhood love love? When does love turn from lust to love?


EDIT: I think I want to swap Infatuation and Lust around. Infatuation is the start, then Lust, then Love. Maybe. Damn you love, you confusing bastard!