Most Inappropriate Things To Say In Any Given Situation Thread

[MoogleViper]

A few good ones. I'll leave it open for a bit longer to see if we get anymore good ones. Keep 'em coming people.

[ipaul]

Sorry I'm late, ran over a Lama on the way here, they just don't look where they're going these days.

[MoogleViper]

Ok I think this one has run it's course.

I'll pick Strider as the winner. Although Mundi came close.

Leaderboard:

MoogleViper 3
EchoDesiato 2
ShadowV7 2
EEVILMURRAY 1
Mundi 1
Shino 1
iPaul 1
Ellmeister 1
Stefkov 1
Strider 1

[Strider]

The situation is:

Your hiding in the toilet on a train without a ticket, there is a knock on the door from the ticket inspector.

You say:

[Roostophe]

"*pfffffffffffffffffffff* Oh, shit! It's EVERYWHERE! *pfffffffffffffffff*"

[ipaul]

Sorry inspector, I just used my ticket to wipe my arse and have since flusehd it down the loo.

I'm inspecting my herpes do you really want to come in here?

Hehe I'm riding a train without a ticket!

[AshMat]

Sorry I'm late, the bell rang before I got here (perhaps not that funny but if anyone is ever late to a lesson and the teacher asks you why please use this =D)

I am so saying that next time i'm late.
That is a promise.

[ipaul]

I am so saying that next time i'm late.
That is a promise.

Good man :D

[Stefkov]

''Knock''
'Hnnnggggggg'
It's coming. It's COMING!
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh


ahhhh

[Wesley]

"Go away! This is my house now!"

[ReZourceman]

"Just coming..."
....
"...Oh god....Oh I dropped it in....oh its all wet and mushy and pooey....Oh..."


|Its not funny. I cant think of any good ones, Lol. :(

[Stefkov]

'Sorry mate, I seem to have eaten the ticket with my laxatives. I'll just get it now for you'

[AshMat]

Sorry to be a total ripoff but but:
"Sorry, suddenly i got explosive diarrhea erupting inside my trousers. The stench and the overall grossness made nearly every passenger barf, so i'll be a while"

[EchoDesiato]

Sorry to be a total ripoff but but:
"Sorry, suddenly i got explosive diarrhea erupting inside my trousers. The stench and the overall grossness made nearly every passenger barf, so i'll be a while"

It's seems diarrhea works in every situation. :p

[ShadowV7]

Sorry I had to use my ticket due to chronic diarrhea. You'd think I had tex mex(sp?) last night with this stench. It's everywhere, on my hands and floor and ceiling. I just can't clean it up, please get help.

*As the inspector goes to get help, you run out and go down the carriage he's already been. For full effect use a stink bomb so inspector can smell it, you will have to put up with the stench more so take deoderant with you*

Or

If I leave this room my ass might spontaneously combust.

[Mundi]

"Where´s your ticket!"

[MoogleViper]

*walks out of toilet*
"My ticket's in there somewhere. I'd leave it five minutes first."

[Patch]

*Shouting*
"Honey, can you get that? I'm on the phone"

[ShadowV7]

"I'm a man of pride so i'll be honest with you. I never bought a ticket, I snuck on the train since i'm broke and I was hiding in here hoping you wouldn't find me. Since I was honest and came clean about this tragic incident, can you let this slide and keep me on?"

[Mundi]

*walks out of booth without any pants* Oh my ticket, wait a second.... OH GOD! Someone stole my pants which conveniently my ticket was in!

[MoogleViper]

"That was a ticket? I thought it was complementary toilet paper."

[EchoDesiato]

"This is a train? I thought it was a public toilet!"

[weeyellowbloke]

"Who are you? What year is it? Who's the president? Don't go in there you'll disrupt the temporal field creating a warp distortion. Why this looks like the inside of an early 21st century locomotive vehicle. Noooooo, I've gone to far back."

[ShadowV7]

"This is where my mama gave birth to me 22 years ago today... Then she jumped out that window"

[Stefkov]

'Shit. Forgot my diapers!'

[AshMat]

"Who are you? What year is it? Who's the president? Don't go in there you'll disrupt the temporal field creating a warp distortion. Why this looks like the inside of an early 21st century locomotive vehicle. Noooooo, I've gone to far back."

It's not my turn to pick.
But this one made me laugh pretty hard.

[Strider]

"Who are you? What year is it? Who's the president? Don't go in there you'll disrupt the temporal field creating a warp distortion. Why this looks like the inside of an early 21st century locomotive vehicle. Noooooo, I've gone to far back."

You win.

Congratulations.

[ReZourceman]

Updated!

Leaderboard

MoogleViper 3

EchoDesiato 2
ShadowV7 2

EEVILMURRAY 1
Mundi 1
Shino 1
iPaul 1
Ellmeister 1
Stefkov 1
Strider 1
weeyellowbloke 1

[weeyellowbloke]

Woohoo, right now I need to think of a situation then.

Hmmm, alright. You bump into your mum as you walk out of a sex shop.

[ipaul]

I've just been doing my christmas shopping for you mother!

I was just buying something for the prostitute I'm with tonight.

[Patch]

Appropriate
"Hey, er, that wasn't the newsagents."

Inappropriate
"Can you believe they've sold out of the ten-inchers?"

[AshMat]

"SEX IS HALF OFF!!"

[MoogleViper]

"Hey save it for tonight."

[Jonnas]

Hey, mom I... Wait a sec, what are YOU doing in front of a sex shop?

[MoogleViper]

"Mum Which one othese Dildos do you think my girlfriend will prefer?"
"Well I love it when your father pleasures me with the black one."

I feel ill now. :(

[EEVILMURRAY]

"I told you it was my turn to buy the Slide and Ride"

[Stefkov]

'Mum? I swear I just saw you in the store. Wait a minute you were on the cover of one!'

[MoogleViper]

"Mum, dad told you not to come in here anymore. You are spending way too much money."

[EchoDesiato]

"Hey mom, I just bought some anal beads. Wanna try them out?"

[MoogleViper]

"Mum I'd recommend the romping rabbit. And get a butt plug for dad, I'm getting tired."

[ipaul]

I just bought this sexy little number for my girlfriend, but I'd prefer to see you in it.

Fucks sake....ah mum! You'll know where I can get some decent dildos right?

[AshMat]

I just bought this sexy little number for my girlfriend, but I'd prefer to see you in it.

that one made me do this:
...
:|
:/
:o
Ewwwww

[ShadowV7]

"Now you just went and spoiled your Santa dildo. Good going mum. Least I was thinking of getting rid of your sexual frustration since Dad doesn't seem to be capable of it."

[ipaul]

You think the dildos in there are big you should see my cock!

[AshMat]

"...
THIS is because YOU couldn't birth me with a bigger one!!"

[Stefkov]

Hey mum, dad's waiting in there for you to try on some of those strap ons.

[Emasher]

*Screams like a bunny(from rayman raving rabbids) while holding dildos in both hands**runs away*

[Iun]

"...it's all your fault mum, all your fault."

[weeyellowbloke]

I just bought this sexy little number for my girlfriend, but I'd prefer to see you in it.

Fucks sake....ah mum! You'll know where I can get some decent dildos right?

A winner is you! Pure filth, I am both shocked and amazed at your gutter based mind.

[ipaul]

Huzzah!! I won another =)

Alright lets see....

You and many others are about to cross the road when the old women next to you slips on the ice and falls over.

[ReZourceman]

"Quick, steal the bitches wallet!"

[MoogleViper]

Piss on her and get your mates to record it on your phone. Then if the justice system is fair then you will be hanged from London bridge by your cock.

[ReZourceman]

"Oh my god...Do you need a hand up madam?"

*No response*

"Madam...are you okay, do you need a hand crossing the road?"

*No response*

"...Fine! Only trying to help! Fucking bitch."

[MoogleViper]

"Aaaw man I'm gonna be a virgin forever."
*sees old woman fall down and go unconscious*
"Or am I?"

[ReZourceman]

"I'll give you two quid if you rape her."

[Stefkov]

'Hoo fell ovaaa'

[MoogleViper]

"I'll give you two quid if you rape her."

"I'll do it for free."

[AshMat]

"YOU WISH YOU HAD A PELVIS, YOU WISH YOU HAD A PELVIS, NA NA NA NA, HEY! NA NA NA NA, HEY!"

[MoogleViper]

Wayne Rooney - "Hmmm my next target."

[ipaul]

Afraid to say none of them have made me laugh so far. But perhaps I'm just not in the mood =P

[MoogleViper]

Must... try... harder...

"That old lady has just fallen over and she could have broken her neck."
"Quick let's finish the job."

[Emasher]

"Well if she fell over that easy she's either drunk or high. Just in case its the latter, I say we kick her until the cops come and then pretend she's a drug lord so we get a reward. Then maybe we can finally afford to start our own meth lab."

[Stefkov]

I just saw her coming out a sex shop. I guess she wanted to get hit on her ass pretty hard.

[Dyson]

Wait a minute, whats this?! One of me, 30 of you? I make that Pimms o clock dont you?!

Sorry I just had to do that

Way to steal my earlier line ¬¬

[Iun]

Sounding like a trumpet: "Wah wah Waaaaaa"

[ShadowV7]

That's what you get for not watching where you go
Or
Oh here let me help *steals purse*
Or
Here i'll help you cross the road *Run away half way while the red man is out*
Or
Rape her and have wrinkley granny sex
Or
Is that another hip gone?...Oh wait looks like her hearts gone too.

[Vicar]

Walking with a friend
"I think she´s falling for you"
Walking with my dad
"Did you see her panties"

I´m new at this so don't be mean

[triforce_keeper]

'Hoo fell ovaaa'

:bowdown: :bowdown: :bowdown:

[Emasher]

*Steels purse and sings this (http://www.zeldadungeon.net/Zelda01/Midis/Triforce02.mid) as loud as possible*

[Marshmellow]

"can you do that again for youtube?"

[Oxigen_Waste]

Walking with a friend
"I think she´s falling for you"
Walking with my dad
"Did you see her panties"

I´m new at this so don't be mean

Those are pretty good, actually.


Honestly, I think the most innapropriate thing to say would be to just remain in silence and go on about your life like nothing had even happened.

[Emasher]

"can you do that again for youtube?"

That one's awesome.

[rokhed00]

Honestly, I think the most innapropriate thing to say would be to just remain in silence and go on about your life like nothing had even happened.

You could always put the boot in.

[ipaul]

That's what you get for not watching where you go
Or
Oh here let me help *steals purse*
Or
Here i'll help you cross the road *Run away half way while the red man is out*
Or
Rape her and have wrinkley granny sex
Or
Is that another hip gone?...Oh wait looks like her hearts gone too.

That 3rd one has won you it, congrats.

[ShadowV7]

Hmm to think of another situation...

Let's see...you got a brand new TV 42 inches and a friend comes round to play the Wii on it. Person with the new TV warns his friend to wear the wrist strap due to all those reports. Friend keeps saying it won't slip out his hand so as you play, as fate would have it, it slips out his hand and goes through your new TV...

[ipaul]

It's alright, I've been shagging your girlfriend so I would say we're even.

[Stefkov]

For the amount of shards on the floor I get to hit you in the face that many times.

Dont worry I'm fucking loaded mate, I can afford 3 more. Just rub that in your stupid fucking head.

[Mundi]

It´s because of things like this that made me murder your parents...

[MoogleViper]

"Wow! That went through the TV harder than I went through your mum."

[Emasher]

You: Thats OK it was just a knock off anyway.
Friend: Really?
You: Nope, pay up or I'll have my elite team of hit-men throw you out a 20th story window.

[MoogleViper]

"Haha jokes on you. I stole that TV from your house."

[Stefkov]

You best start running or I'll shove that wiimote up a place where the sun don't shine.

[EEVILMURRAY]

"Prince Ali, yes it is he but not as you know him. Read my lips, and come to grips, with reality. Yes meet a blast from your past, Who's lies were to good to last! Say Hello to your precious! Prince! Ali!"

Most inappropriate.

[AshMat]

"I am SO banging your mum tonight for that"

[ipaul]

I wonder if your girlfriend will smash into that many pieces when I'm doing her tonight.

This should be judged before we lose it =P

[MoogleViper]

I think it's time to pick a winner.

[ShadowV7]

"Haha jokes on you. I stole that TV from your house."

This ones the winner in my eyes. Would of picked earlier but been busy-ish today.

This made me laugh a lot when I read it and it beats reading about sexual references all the time :heh:

[MoogleViper]

OK

You are a doctor and are about to tell a patient that they are terminally ill.

[Jordan]

"Oh man, I have to tell this guy next that he's gunna die from cancer, he's so fucked... Oh shit."

[Mr_Odwin]

I am a really healthy guy, and by "I am" I mean "you are" and by "a really healthy guy" I mean "gonna die real soon".

[weeyellowbloke]

"So, ummmmm, you've not got any plans for the holidays have you?"

"Ok, Bambi's mum, JFK, Genghis Khan, Archduke Franz Ferdinand, James Brown and you in in a few months. What do they all have in common?"

"I have some good news and some bad news. The bad news is I've just had the bailiffs come round to repossess my house. The good news is you're dying soon and the hospital have said I can take your bed until I find a new place."

[Stefkov]

So *claps hands* Great news! You're terminally ill.

[ReZourceman]

"Good news or the bad news?...

...The good ; you're not dead yet.

The bad ; you will be soon."

------------

"Sucks for you!"

------------

"Well Mrs Hampton, you're pregnant"

"My names Mr Sampson....."

"....Oh, then you're gonna die."

[weeyellowbloke]

"Look on the brightside, you'll leave a beautiful corpse."
-----------------------------------------------------

"So, you work at the airport I see"
"No, I work at the garage"
"Why does it say terminal 3 here then. Oh wait, forgot my glasses"

[ipaul]

You know I could really use a new TV and I don't think you'll be using yours from now on...

[Vicar]

If you are lucky you can be a body in the next CSI series.
------------------------------------------------------
Good news you don't have a tumor, but your still going to die.
------------------------------------------------------
I looks like your not going to see the next Batman movie....Sucks to be you.
------------------------------------------------------
Well you just might make it to Christmas if your lucky.
------------------------------------------------------

[ipaul]

Shall we have a winner now...?

[Stefkov]

'So just a quick question.. Are you a virgin?'
'uum, yeah why?'
'Oh man. Sucks to be you then.'

[ipaul]

'So just a quick question.. Are you a virgin?'
'uum, yeah why?'


'Looks like I'm your last chance then ;)'

[weeyellowbloke]

"For some reason I was just reminded of my old dog Lucy. Poor thing died about a year ago. She struggled on for weeks in utter agony before she died. I really miss her."
"I'm really sorry to hear that, but what's this got to do with me."
"Uhh, you'll find out soon enough."

[MoogleViper]

Oooops forgot it was me. :D

I am a really healthy guy, and by "I am" I mean "you are" and by "a really healthy guy" I mean "gonna die real soon".

Ok this is the winner.

[Mr_Odwin]

Situation:

You've just got married and are giving your speech at the reception.

[Jordan]

"I am gunna fuck this woman in every possible hole tonight. Hell, i'm going to make extra holes just so i can do those too!"

[MoogleViper]

"It's a funny story about how me and Laura first got together. I wasn't sure whether to get with Laura or her sister so I tossed a coin and it came out heads."

[ipaul]

" I remember the first time me and Jessica made love on that wonderful evening where I had lost that bet"

[MoogleViper]

"To date I've made love with 64 women. I'm not sure which number Laura is."

[ShadowV7]

"Okay Barry, I married her. You owe me £50 now. Hey honey why you looking at me like that...no...put down the cake knife it won't solve anything. Somebody help me dammit!"

[ReZourceman]

"Now she has to do anal!"

[Mundi]

"I love her so much, even though she has a penis"

[steggy]

"I would like to thank the brides mother and father, and all the guys at mail-order-thai-brides.com"

"And now I'd like to introduce my other wife.....did I forget to mention her?"

[EchoDesiato]

She gives the best head ever, that's why I chose her. And so does my new mother-in-law. Hi mom!

[Roostophe]

"Sometimes I look at my wife, and I think of all the wonderful times I've had with her...sister."

"They say a woman will grow up to look like their mother...Oh, SHIT!"

"I love my wife so much. I will fuck her even when she's dead!"

[EchoDesiato]

"This might not be the best moment to say it, but... I'm gay."

[Mundi]

"SURPRISE! Your on candid camera!"

[Roostophe]

"I would just like to say a few words. First of all, to my darling wife, Emily. I just want you to know...that I have shagged everybody in this room! Including Phil and Alice's newborn baby, which was actually the best sex I've had since I shagged your dog. I know it looked like I was fooling around with Buster, but I truly did have my dick in his arse..."

[ipaul]

- Alice,my darling wife, though I think your nice, you are only a 6 at best and I might try to do better than you but quite frankly, I can't be bothered.

[MoogleViper]

"Oh my darling Jessica, I will love you forever."
"My names Louise."
"Oh shit!"

[ipaul]

I will love my wife forever, even when she is old and her vagina is hanging like a wizards sleeve.

[MoogleViper]

I will love my wife forever, even when she is old and her vagina is hanging like a wizards sleeve.

I like you. Do you like me?

[ipaul]

Funnily enough, I do.

[MoogleViper]

Funnily enough, I do.

Will you be my boyfriend?

[ipaul]

I'm afraid not.

[Emasher]

"I'm really a secret agent with the CIA here to investigate you."

[The fish]

"When I first kissed you, I was a bit annoyed - you see, I actually wanted to make out with your friend, and ended up with you instead."

[EEVILMURRAY]

"I've changed my mind. Divorce time."

[Dyson]

Oh hi, what's going on?

[Mr_Odwin]

" I remember the first time me and Jessica made love on that wonderful evening where I had lost that bet"

Round winner.

[ipaul]

Hurray, I won again :D Situation time...

You are in the middle of a business meeting discussing marketing tactics....go!